Divorce Attorney Cape Town, Johannesburg, Pretoria, Durban

Are you being abused?

What constitutes abuse and the steps to take to get a protection order?

What is abuse?

PHYSICAL ABUSE: pushing, slapping, punching, kicking, burning, biting, stabbing.

VERBAL ABUSE: Putting you down, name-calling, yelling, belittling you.

SEXUAL ABUSE: Having sex with you against your will, making you do sexual things you don't want to do.

ECONOMIC ABUSE: Taking away your money, refusing to provide enough money for household expenses, not paying maintenance when he can afford to do so.

CONTROLLING YOUR MOVEMENTS: or keeping you locked in the house isolating you from family and friends, monitoring you phone calls.

ABUSING POWER: always claiming to be right, telling you what to do and making decisions without consulting you.

THREATS WITH GUNS OR KNIVES: attempting to scare or kill you or your children.

FORCED ENTRY: making uninvited visits, refusing to leave when asked.

STALKING YOU: following you wherever you go, phoning you all the time to check where you are.

SAYING THE ABUSE IS YOUR FAULT: pretending that he never hurt you, blaming all his problems on you.

ABUSING YOU CHILDREN: Verbal and physical abuse, sexual abuse, forcing your children to monitor your telephone calls or who visits you, using your children to steal.

DAMAGING YOUR PROPERTY: tearing your clothes, burning your belongings, destroying important documents, e.g. ID book/passport, damaging your furniture.

Protection order

YOU CAN APPLY FOR A PROTECTION ORDER WHICH CAN PROTECT YOU FROM FURTHER ABUSE

A PROTECTION ORDER CAN PROTECT:

• Married, divorced or separated couples
• Couples living together (including gay or lesbian couples)
• Parents of a child
• Family members (including the extended family)
• People who are engaged or dating one another
• Children
• People who share the same house or flat (flat mates, housemates)

A PROTECTION ORDER CAN TELL THE ABUSER:

• To stop abusing you and not to tell others to abuse you either
• Not to enter the family home or your workplace
• To pay the rent or mortgage. Protection order can also stop the abuser from having contact with a child
• To provide money for food and other household expenses

A PROTECTION CAN TELL A POLICEMAN TO:

• take away the abuser's guns or other dangerous weapons
• provide an escort to fetch your things

WHERE DO I GO?

Go to the court where you live, or own a business

Or the abuser lives, works or owns a business

Or where the abuse happened

WHEN CAN I GO?

Ordinary court hours

After hours

Or over week-ends during emergencies

HOW DO I APPLY

Fill out an application form for the protection order. The clerk can help you or you can bring a legal representative/friend to help  you. If you take the form to a women's organization they can also help you.The clerk will take your application to the magistrate. The magistrate will prepare a notice of the abuser telling him or her about the protection order. The abuser will be told to come to court on a particular day for the hearing. This notice is delivered (or served) to the abuser by the sheriff, or the police

WHAT HAPPENS IN COURT

Who must go to the hearing?

• Both you and the abuser must go to the hearing
• If the abuser doesn't appear in court on the day of the hearing, the protection order is granted
• If he does appear, the court hears evidence from both you and the abuser. Witnesses can also be called.
• When the magistrate has heard all the evidence s/he will decide whether or not to issue a protection order.
• If the protection order is granted, a copy is served on the abuser.
• You will also receive a copy of the protection order and a suspended warrant for the abuser's arrest.
• A copy of the order is also sent to the police station of your choice

WHAT IF I CAN'T PAY THE SHERIFF'S FEES TO DELIVER THE NOTICE

Tell the court and the State will provide financial assistance to you

WHAT IF I NEED PROTECTION URGENTLY?

Ask the court for an interim protection order. This order will give you emergency protection until the hearing.

WHAT IF THE PROTECTION ORDER IS BROKEN?

1.      You must call the police and giver them the warrant for arrest.

2.      The abuser should then be arrested or given a notice to appear in court.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE ABUSER?

• The abuser can be sent to prison for up to five years
• The abuser can be fined
• The abuser can be fined and imprisoned.

NB: ONCE THIS ARREST WARRANT HAS BEEN USED, GO BACK TO COURT TO GET ANOTHER ONE. YOU WILL NEED ANOTHER WARRANT IN CASE THE ABUSER HARMS YOU AGAIN.

HOW CAN THE POLICE HELP ME WITH A PROBLEM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

• If you report a case of domestic violence to the police:
• They will tell you about your rights and your options
• They can send a police officer to your home to protect you from further abuse. They can also take away the abuser's weapons if he is threatening you.
• They can help you find a shelter and counselling service.
• They can also help you get medical care.
• They must arrest the abuser if he does not obey the protection order

IF A POLICE OFFICE DOES NOT HELP YOU, YOU CAN REPORT HIM OR HER TO THE STATION COMMISSIONER. YOU CAN ALSO CONTACT YOUR LOCAL POLICE AREA COMMISSIONER, OR THE OFFICES OF THE INDEPENDENT COMPLAINTS DIRECTORATE (ICD).

Source: SA Government

Compiled by eDivorce South Africa's number 1 online divorce service

Life After Divorce

When you walked down the isle this was the last thing on your mind. The pain, the loneliness, the trauma of divorce were things you were sure would never happen to you.

But here they are on the table before you: divorce papers.

You have known for a while that things weren't as rosy as they should be. You drifted apart, spent more time separate than with each other, couldn't communicate as in the past. Maybe there was a third party, maybe you just didn't grow together. And when you could not ignore the problems between you any longer, there was the decision to go your separate ways.

Your children's future flashes through your head. How will they cope? You fear the uprooting of your own life. What lies ahead?

What you need to know now, is that you do have an inner will to overcome these feelings of despair - that inner voice that can tell you "no matter how bad it is and how bad it gets. I'm going to make it". Use that as a mantra.

Believing in yourself is an attitude that grows over time. Few people are lucky enough to be born with it. Recent brain research indicates that with enough positive self-talk and positive visualization, combined with proper coaching, anybody can learn to handle almost anything. It sometimes just takes a talk with somebody to give a different angle of the situation.

You might even gain some additional life skills.

The children

When people separate or divorce, their first thought is about the trauma their children will experience. This is usually their greatest worry.

A "good" divorce is imperative in order to limit the damage done. No matter how well the separation is handled, all parties will experience trauma. But even if the divorce is amicable, it is a hard nut for children to crack and it is important to prepare them as best as you can. Children get their clues from their parents and how you live through the ordeal can be an example or a stumbling block to them.

Never use your children as a pawn or a power base. If you are in a destructive or abusive relationship, it is easy to become irrational, use irrational words and run down the other partner. Try not to do it. Remember that you are the one divorcing your partner and that the children still love their mum or dad and should have the freedom to do so.

Being on your own

When a couple divorces, the one that instituted the divorce is usually emotionally more prepared for it than the one on the receiving end. They had time to think it through and to do some advance planning.

But whether you instituted the separation or are the victim of it, you will have to deal with the total uprooting of your life: financial changes, the loneliness and the fear of the unknown - that scary letting go of the familiar couch in front of the television, you familiar surroundings and habits. You will deal with overpowering feelings of rejection that seem to overshadow everything . . .

Many a divorcee has shared that the most difficult thing was to imagine another woman or man sitting next to their spouse in the car, sharing dinner, or being in their arms. The loneliness one can learn to handle, especially when there's a support system like family and friends in place. When there's sufficient income, it is also easier.

Reposition yourself

The challenge is to re-invest or re-energise yourself, the trick to realize that whatever you are going through now is going to turn out better in the future. The saying "when life hands you a lemon, make lemonade" is especially true for you now. Try to find that lemonade in the lemon and remember that there's never a loss without a gain.

Learn to read or understand at multi levels. Get the underlying lesson - maybe you need to be more independent? Maybe you need to invest in yourself in a direction that you've never considered before? Think of learning a new life skill, maybe a computer course, or maybe just learning to make friends on your own. Some people find that they turn inward instead and find an unexpected inner strength within themselves.

Get help

Divorce guidance is a good investment for your future wellbeing. Few people manage to get through a divorce successfully without professional help.

Steps to overcome negative attitudes

The self-talk or inner dialogue every person engages in is the most important. What you tell yourself becomes your reality.

Together with self-talk goes visualization. Visualise in detail (the more detail, the better) how your life will be when it is what you really want. What would a perfect day be for you? What would a perfect week, a perfect weekend be? Visualise your relationship with your family and friends but don't forget to also work on your personal goals, your career, your health. Visualise yourself doing the things you always wanted to do and never could find the time for.

Believe you possess an inherent ability to overcome setbacks in your life - almost as if you were given all you need, but not the manual. Read books, fill your mind with positive things and become a co-creator of your own reality.

Expect to experience emptiness and a void in your mind and emotions. You can either choose to fill it with something positive and energizing or it automatically fills with negativity. Teach yourself to recognise what drains your energy and what gives you energy in life.

Don't be shy to ask for help in your search for new meaning as this process may sometimes be derailed by circumstances or by a lack of role models. Therapy and life coaching may become necessary to help you on your way.

Practical things you can put in place

• If you can't sleep at night, don't just lie there and let your thoughts whirl through your head. Get up - even if it is in the middle of the night - and make yourself a nice cup of tea or coffee.
• Sleep late or get up early, whatever you feel like, especially if the children are not with you.
• Make sure that there's something you can look forward to every day - for example phoning a good friend or a supportive relative, go for a special treat like a facial, go to a mall and have a cappuccino.
• Allow yourself time to explore your feelings, and above all to experience feelings that are good.
• Find a comfortable balance between the time you spend with people and the time you spend developing yourself.
• Get into an exercise or gym programme. The euphoric feeling after a workout is worth the struggle, will help you relax and look at life from a positive angle.

For any person experiencing a situation - like a divorce - the perception of that situation is their reality. It is how you see things that will shape your world and how you will experience it.

It is your choice to believe that there is life after divorce - and that there is still a journey to enjoy that lies ahead of you. Make the most of it.

Source: http://www.drcecile.co.za/page.php?view=workshop_divorce

Compiled by eDivorce

How to do your own divorce?

Before you embark on the legal process of Divorce make sure that your marriage has broken down irretrievably. If there is still a chance to mend things, you should try and work things out.

There are three ways to get a divorce.

• You can do it yourself online through eDivorce; or

• You can appoint an attorney - this is expensive and may cost in the region of R 10 000.00
  

How do I to go about my doing my own Divorce?

Simply visit the eDivorce website. The eDivorce platform enables you to generate your Combined Summons together with your Particulars of Claim and any Annexures which need to be attached to the Summons, a step by step guide will also be sent to you that will explain all the steps to issue the documents at the Registrar of the nearest Family Court or High Court that have Jurisdiction in the area where you reside. In case you have minor children, you will also have to submit an Annexure A to the Court and to the office of the Child Advocate. You will also have to complete a statistical report for to the South African Bureau of Statistics in Pretoria. After the Registrar allocated a case number and issued the papers you will submit the summons to a Sheriff of the Court to serve same on the Defendant. After service of the Summons you will receive a Return of Service form the Sheriff which you must file at Court with the original papers and wait for the time mentioned in the summons to lapse, upon which the matter may be enrolled. The eDivorce service is affordable and will cost you less than R 1000. Other documents that you will need to conclude your divorce are:

• A certified copy of your Identity document or passport
• A certified copy of your marriage contract (ONLY if married out of community if you don't have a copy you can collect one from the Deeds Office)
• A certified copy of your marriage certificate (obtainable at the Department of Home Affairs if you don't have a copy)

The eDivorce process is hassle free, less traumatic, cost effective and fast. Visit http://www.edivorce.co.za

 

Reasons for Divorce

Trouble with the in-laws, differences of opinion about having children, a cheating spouse, sexual problems and money are the major reasons for divorce as cited by psychiatrists, divorce lawyers and related professionals in South Africa.

The most common reasons:

Lack of commitment towards marriage, sexual incompatibility and infidelity

Whether infidelity is the result of deteriorating relations within marriage or a cause in itself remains the most common cause of divorce, occurring in more than half of failed marriages. A lack of commitment, philandering and infidelity contributes to distrust amongst partners and stems from resentment or anger with the other half and sexual boredom.

Lack of communication between spouses

A communication breakdown creates distance between partners. Growing differences between couples are the greatest contributors to ineffective communication ranging from personal and career goals to expectations about household tasks and finances. Interestingly enough, those who cohabit before marriage have higher rates of divorce than people who don’t as differences tend to become major focal points over the course of time, creating discontent and frustration with longstanding inconveniences. Unmatched expectations cause rifts and personality conflicts amongst partners unwilling to compromise and is heightened when material needs are unfulfilled.

Physical, Emotional and Substance Abuse

Whether it’s a seemingly harmless verbal taunt or violent physical manhandling, abuse is a form of consistent negative reinforcement. An ultimate irreconcilable difference, Abuse provides definite grounds for divorce where either spouse is frequently abusive towards children or each other. Alcohol addiction and substance abuse leads to drastic changes in the behavioural pattern of the addict. Often more than one can handle, the situation is compounded when both partners resort to using narcotics, adversely impacting on the mental, physical and emotional stability of the couple and ultimately ending in divorce.

Financial Issues

Economic strain and financial burdens is one of the most common reasons for the collapse of marriage. Disintegrating financial circumstances, incurred debts and disagreements over the allocation of money is sometimes all it takes enough to end an already aggravated marriage.

Source All4women

Compiled by South Africa's Nr. 1 and largerst online divorce service

Divorce Attorney - Cape Town, Bloemfontein, Johannesburg, Pretoria, Durban

KWJ Inc. incorporating Divorce Attorney is a forward thinking New Age law firm consisting of creative forward thinking attorneys with deep Family Law and Technology know-how. Divorce Attorney was born digital we help clients through the divorce process and give advice on all aspects of Family Law, inclusive of marriage, divorce, domestic partnerships, maintenance, spousal abuse, adoption, domestic violence, adultery, child abuse and child abduction, property settlements, alimony, and parental responsibility and rights, child access and visitation.

We found that unless a divorce attorney keeps up with the changes in the law and the reasons for those changes, he cannot properly serve his client's interests.  Technology is changing the face of the law and at KWJ Inc. we adapted to these changes to better serve our clients. Utilizing cutting edge technology we can offer affordable, better and faster service utilizing technologies like document automation, online client CMS and lead generation from a variety of providers.

With a 600 follower strong Twitter presence at http://www.twitter.com/edivorce (@edivorce) and our nearly 400 strong following on facebook located at http://www.facebook.com/divorceattorneys, we offer a great deal of Family Law information completely free to the public, thereby educating people about Family Law thereby making the law more accessible to the general public. We also offer advice at http://www.health24.com/experts/Family_law_expert/979-4592.asp

We believe the adversarial system is about polarizing people, and that there's been a lot of work done psychologically and socially showing that the adversarial system isn't healthy for anybody. It is for that reason that we launched eDivorce, http://www.edivorce.co.za to enable couples who want to divorce to do it in an environment that is less emotional and uncontested with an emphasis on mediating difference amongst themselves, without interference by third parties.

For those that do want to engage the services of an attorney and opt for the adversarial approach Divorce Attorney at http://www.divorceattorney.co.za is the answer.

Services that we offer are:

• Do-it-Yourself Online Divorces
• Divorce and Family Law Mediation
• Divorce litigation
• Child and spousal Maintenance claims
• Arrear maintenance claims
• Rule43 applications
• International Divorces, where one party live overseas
• Adoption assistance
• Unmarried father's rights advice
• Parental Plan Drafting
• Domestic violence disputes
• Domestic partnership agreements
• Divorce where one spouse is missing
• Online Wills and Testaments
• Private investigations in to assets and the cheater spouse
• Locating missing spouses

For further information contact us at 083 533 4428, email: info@divorceattorney.co.za or visit our website at http://www.divorceattorney.co.za