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Divorce can be on friendly terms

An excellent article recently appeared in the Washington Post concerning the importance to severe marriage ties in a friendly manner.

Some of today's divorcing couples, who may have witnessed some wretched family separations, are vowing to do it differently. Even if their own parents didn't divorce, many kids saw how hard it was on their friends.

So more couples are opting for a friendly divorce, whether through mediation, collaboration or even do-it-yourself methods. And the majority of couples choosing friendly divorces in the United States are those with children.

Divorce no matter how friendly is still an emotional issue. However couples do it, the process should be more amicable. At the end of the day, you can save time, money and increase the odds that you might actually still be friends in future. And the kids are the biggest beneficiaries.

This new kind of divorced mom and dad might attend parent-teacher meetings together and share calendars electronically so Dad can arrange to take the kids when mom's out of town on business.

Traditional vs friendly

Most divorce cases still are handled in the traditional adversarial way, with attorneys on each side trying to get the best deal for their client, often through nasty disagreements over care and contact (custody), child maintenance, property settlements and finances. Divorcing couples typically aren't feeling friendly toward each other anyway, and contentious experiences in court can make those feelings even worse.

"It makes it almost impossible to have a civil relationship going forward. You don't easily forget what it's like to be cross-examined by your spouse's advocate," says family law attorney Bertus Preller, who co-founded eDivorce a do-it-yourself Divorce Platform in South Africa. "It sets them up for years and years of not being able to communicate well."

Mediation is another kind of a friendly divorce. Proponents say it reduces the emotional costs on everyone; both children and adults start their new lives on relatively stable ground.

A typical traditional divorce can stretch out for months - even years - and cost both parties R 5000 - R 150 000.

Over the past 30 years, DIY divorces popularity has grown as an alternative to going to attorneys across South Africa.

Setting the tone

How parents interact and handle the kids during the initial separation and early in the divorce sets the tone for the years ahead.

Research shows that kids who remain close to both parents are less stressed by divorce, and dads who are connected to their kids are more likely to keep up with their obligations, financial and otherwise.

Compiled by eDivorce, South Africa's top online divorce service

http://www.edivorce.co.za